Believe Me
by RiBuscus
Summary: Sonfic to Believe Me by Ten After Two. A conundrum of failures, all destined to drop me here. My life, my mistakes, my problems. OxA


**Believe Me**

_I need to let go_

_She's not comin' home_

_I know it's for our best interest_

_And I don't know that I can make it on my own_

_So take a flashlight and a compass_

'_Cause I know you're gonna need them when you figure out your own_

It had been a month. A month since I had seen her last, and an entire lifetime before I'll see her again. I knew where she was, but I couldn't bear to face her.

The argument was simple; she wanted one thing and I wanted another. It seemed as if our relationship was built to last. We would always get over our arguments in a matter of minutes, before going right back to our daily schedule. I don't know what went wrong, but I'd do anything to get that back.

For years, it seems, I'd lain on that damnable mattress, unable to sleep. I couldn't see straight anymore, as if my eyes themselves had subconsciously glazed themselves in tears. I turned my head to the clock, 3:01. I continued to watch it; my mind expecting the time to change at its whim.

3:10, 3:30, the time kept dragging on. Closing my eyes brought me no comfort whatsoever. The sight that had been burned into my eyelids was unbearable. I tried to open them, but the tormenting image glued them shut.

Her beautiful face, stained with tears. I knew I caused those tears, but the incubus inside me kept me from understanding.

"_I can't take this anymore!" _

My ears convulsed at her voice. The soft angelic utterance that once filled me with happiness now caused my sorrow.

The horrific playback was finally over, and I opened my eyes as new tears streamed down my face.

_I need to let go_

_She's not comin' home_

_It's only love_

_Only love, it's not my life_

_It's just a passion with a new born strife_

_Believe me, believe me._

The distant sun crept its way above New York. As much as I despised the thought, I had to return to work. I opened the closet door as more memories of her intruded my mind.

"_Where are you going to go, huh? Back to France? Oh wait, that's right, you don't even have any money! Do you want to know why? Because I make all of the money while you just sit here!"_

_Her discomposed voice screamed back, "It's not like you do anything, either! You're boss calls me at _least _once a week complaining about you!" she paused, straightening her hair to calm herself; "You know what, Odd? I'm done."_

Shoving the vision from my thoughts, I choose my day's apparel. Purple pants, red undershirt, purple shirt, red sneakers. After laying it on my bed, I dragged myself to the bathroom.

"Just great. No hot water…" It wasn't like I deserved the pleasure, anyway.

As I bathed, more flashbacks occurred in my head, like they do every morning.

_She dashed to the bathroom, retrieving her belongings and putting them in a pink suitcase, "I'm tired of this, Odd. It seems as if we fight all the time, and I'm just…I'm not living this way anymore."_

_She trudged to the closet, neatly folding the necessities, "And after all this time, I thought we would always be together."_

"_I'm fucking glad you're leaving!"_

"_Good." she slipped the engagement ring off of her finger and closed her briefcase, "Take it. I don't want it anymore."_

"_Just get out of my house."_

"_Gladly."_

_And even if it leaves me broken_

_My heart will spare the love to spill_

_All over these constellations_

_And starstuck patterns that made me feel so real_

"What's up Odd? Still down about that girl? What was her name…Ail? Lita? Um…" Travis asks. He wasn't only a fellow employee, but a companion of mine as well.

"Aelita. And no, I'm not." I put on a fake smile like I usually do and contemplate an excuse, "I just haven't been able to sleep lately."

My efforts were in vain, "Yeah, sure. I've got to get back to work, but if you need to talk, I'd be happy to." He then walked away, leaving me to my sorrow.

I continued to type the numbers and formulas required. Every moment or two, I would think of a heartbroken apology letter to send her, only to have my thoughts demolished by more paperwork. In my quest to become a better employee, I had simply become the world's greatest pencil pusher. I'm sure Jeremy would be proud.

_I'm doing it tonight. The worst thing that could happen is for her to reject my apology._

My self-esteem had been obliterated ages ago, and what little hope I once had drifted off along with it. Two peas in a pod; two essential beings unable to function without one another.

_I need to let go_

_She's not comin' home_

_Its only love_

_Only love, it's not my life_

_It's just passion with a newborn strife_

_Believe me, believe me_

Unable to purchase a vehicle, I was forced to walk home. It was mid-December which led to snow. Snow led to happiness, and happiness led to couples. Christmas music was playing from local shops, and two teens bustled by me. I remember when we used to be like that. Not a care in the world, just together in Paris. Those days are over now, though.

At last, the agony had ended. As I entered my seemingly desolate home, my arms flailed about from the cold, releasing bits of snow that had gathered on my shoulders. I looked around, noticing how lonely it appeared. The rooms themselves were so alive with bright fluorescent colors and pictures of joy mounting their walls, but the actual joy itself was nowhere to be found. They said a storm was coming, but I never expected the emotions to float with it.

"Tonight's the night." I had gotten into the habit of incoherently conversing with myself, "I'm finally going to apologize. It's not like she'll accept, but I can't say I didn't try."

Realizing it was below freezing outside, I retrieved my jacket from my small closet. As I left the room, I took a double take, remembering that I had forgotten something. Opening the small nightstand beside my bed, I took the ring she had returned to me.

Fishing my mobile from my pocket, I quickly dialed Ulrich's number. It rang twice, before a nonchalant voice answered.

"Hello, Stern residence, this is Ulrich."

"Um…hi, Ulrich. It's Odd…" a short silence occurred between us.

"D'you finally grasp the fact that the love of your life left you, huh?" he sounded like he was taunting me, but I knew it was just his way of speaking.

"I want to apologize to her. Not that it'll help my case, but I feel like she deserves an apology."

"Well, I can put her on the phone if you'd like. It's not very classy though." Ulrich chuckled. He'd become a slight prankster over the years.

"I was actually hoping I could…um…do it in person." I mumbled.

"It's a little late," he paused, "but for you, I guess I'll make an exception."

"She is awake, right? I don't want to bother anyone."

"The longer you talk to me, the less time you have, good buddy. I'll see you in a bit." I heard his phone make contact with the receiver, ending the call.

_And even if it leaves me broken_

_My heart will spare the love to spill_

_All over these constellations_

_And starstuck patterns that made me feel so real_

As I walked down the street, more memories invaded my head.

"_Odd, will you please tell me why your fiancée is at my house?" a very exhausted Ulrich grumbly asked._

"_I uh…I'd rather not talk about it."_

"_Well, uh, call me whenever you want to make up with her. I guess." He hung up._

I pulled my hood over my head, "Ugh, why am I even doing this? She isn't even going to want to talk to me, much less forgive me."

I continued to talk to myself, following my footsteps. Left, right, left, right, left. Subconsciously, my legs stopped themselves. I looked up, realizing that I had reached my destination. I walked up the small steps and rang the doorbell.

The door swung open, revealing a severely unkempt Ulrich, "Still as short as I remember." he smiled, "Down the hall, then it's the second door on the right."

I nodded, slightly correcting my posture. Nervously, I waddled my way to the room.

"Ulrich, I can't do it." I began to walk away from the door.

"Well, she knows you're here now. Someone never taught you to talk quietly."

I then heard her faint voice, "Odd?"

Her door stood slightly ajar. Ulrich gave me a nod as I entered her room.

_Its only love_

_Only love, it's not my life_

_It's just passion with a newborn strife_

_Believe me, believe me_

I shut the door behind me and looked at her; the one girl that meant something to me. Her apparel consisted of a paradigm of pinks and reds and long socks. She was obviously ready for bed.

She rubbed the back of her neck, "Um…hi, Odd."

After everything that had happened, I still called her by her nickname, "Hi, Princess."

"If you came here to ask me to come back to you, you can forget it. I've already met another," I cut her off.

"I'm not here to ask you to do anything." I paused to regain my composure, "I'm just here to apologize. I was a fool to ever treat you the way you did."

I assumed she wasn't expecting my statement. She raised an eyebrow at me, "So you're not here to brag about how right you were? You're actually here to _apologize_? Now that, I wasn't expecting."

"That's the exact antithesis of how I feel, Princess. To tell you the truth, I'm miserable, but that doesn't matter." I held the engagement ring out to her, "Here, the least I can do is give you what is rightfully yours. I don't care what you do with it; I just can't take the guilt anymore."

"Odd Della Robbia feeling _guilty_? My leave did wonders for you." she smirked. She was being extremely sour, but she had every right to be.

I let my shoulders droop slightly and my head fall, "Yeah…I'll um, I'll see you around, I guess."

I turned; feeling the pang of depression hit me harder than ever. I gently closed the door, before walking into Ulrich's living room.

"So, how'd it go?"

"I've lost the love of my life and a three hundred dollar engagement ring." I turned to him, "How do you think it went?"

Ulrich put his hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry it didn't work out, Odd. At least you got rid of the guilt right?"

I nodded, showing myself out of his home. I knew I wasn't welcome there, anyway.

_And even if it leaves me broken_

_My heart will spare the love to spill_

_All over these constellations_

_And starstuck patterns that made me feel so real_

And though, in spite she was right to throw me out where she left me, my love is still fueled.

It's been ten years. Ten years since I had seen her last and an entire lifetime before I'll see her again. I know where she is, but can't bear to face her.

She moved back to France and met back up with Jeremy. One year later, they married, but I didn't attend the marriage.

My sorrow never lightened. Every night, I lay on this damnable mattress, unable to sleep. And every day, I go to work with a fake smile. It was my mistake, and now I'm paying the price. A conundrum of failures all destined to drop me here.

My life, my mistakes, my problems.


End file.
